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There are many people from my past life that I would love to confront, but most of all it would be my very own self. At present, I am in troubled waters. I am morally depreciated and have screwed up my academic performance. And the only person responsible for my present situation is me. I always gave excuses like, I am lazy so what? It’s a habit and habits die hard. I would confront myself for accepting such lame excuses. I would ask myself, ‘Why didn’t I fight against my desires? Why did I remain happy and satisfied with my easy but meaningless life?’

I and my cousin are of the same age. During my childhood days, I and my family would go their place during summer breaks. We both would spend hours playing together in the summer heat. Now my cousin was a bit wild. He had a habit of biting people with his sharp milk teeth. And I was a frequent prey of his biting sprees. As a kid, I was timid and shy. I desired so desperately to bite him back or at least inform my parents, but my cowardliness held me back. Now I am young and strong, but I obviously cannot avenge him.

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Goals give purpose and meaning to one’s life. The primary goal of my life is to please my Lord. It defines my life and shapes my decision. Though I try my best to succeed in this one, I have time and again failed miserably. The other goals are to gain academic excellence and do something good for the society. I haven’t done any better in these two because of my lazy nature and my habit of procrastinating. The past wasn’t good and if I don’t work on my damaging and compelling habits, the future is sure to be bleak and disappointing.

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

If by my Lord’s grace, I am given the opportunity to relive the last five years of my live, I would correct my mistakes which have given me a burdened soul full of regrets. The last five years were crucial for my academic career. Needless to say, I wasted it doing nothing.  I would study hard, really hard. I would not waste my time in day dreaming about having a great career and loads of money. I would certainly pay more heed to my parents’ advice and utilize my time more efficiently. And lastly, I would be more conscious of God, The exalted.

I f I came to know through some mysterious powers that I have only two weeks to live, my soul would suddenly be burdened with regrets. The memory of the times that I have wasted doing nothing, the times that I wasted in day dreaming, the times that I spent doing something else when I was suppose to study hard, the opportunities that I missed because of my laziness would keep disturbing me. Though I know that these are the things that I would regret, I still haven’t done anything about them. Why? The reason is Procrastination! I would spend the remaining two weeks of my life apologizing to those whom I have hurt and beseech my Lord for forgiveness.

I love books. The mere sight of them is enough to enthral me. Unfortunately, I live in a one bedroom apartment which can accommodate only a single shelf. The lone shelf is occupied by my tax, accounts and costing and financial management books while the precious novels and novellas are packed away in the store room. If I could change one thing about my home, it would be to throw away the referral books in the store room and display my treasured novels in the shelf. But for that, I would have to study hard, clear my exams and then happily get away with those monstrous books.

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Whenever I am bored and think of utilizing my time by doing something else other then reading books, the bookworm in me crawls up and whispers in my ears “What! You are going to waste your time by doing something that can never replace the pleasure you gain by reading books! Now pick up your tattered copy of Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets.”  “But I have already read it thrice.” My mind would argue. The bookworm in me would then crawl up in my mind and force it to remember the good times I had with my copy of the chamber of secrets and I, like an obedient child, would start reading.

Image by ooh_food via Flickr

Going to college in a hijab can sometimes get on your nerves. It makes you stand out in the crowd, attracting stares and murmurs. But the reminder that you are doing this for the sake of pleasing ‘The Most Gracious’ is enough to put a smile on my face. The sweetness of faith is the sole driving factor that keeps me going day in day out. The mere remembrance of the fact that I am going to be rewarded for every sacrifice that I make for the betterment of this world and its inhabitants is thrilling. It enforces the strength that I need to face the complications of my temporary life.

For me, internet has been a blessing, the best invention of all times. It is my true saviour. It has been by my side, helping me when I was in troubled waters. It has assisted me countless number of times in doing my boring school homework, not forgetting the tiresome college assignments. It was there with me when I needed someone to help me buy a new phone at the lowest price. It was the internet that helped me book airline tickets without standing in long queues. And now when I need some extra money, it’s aiding me to increase the balance in my bank account.

I believe seeing one’s future out of order and out of context would only confuse one’s present. Therefore, I would go back in time and look upon myself at various points in my childhood. I would like to see how far I have come from what I was. I used to be a shy girl, and I have become an independent, strong, inspiring woman. I would witness moments of abuse in order to come to terms with feelings that have recently resurfaced. I would hold that little girl like my own child and tell her it will all work out someday.

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